Rizzles drabbles
by Dragonling743
Summary: I just started the series and random phrases or sentences out of context sounded funny. Drabbles and shorts, all in order from beginning to end. No I really have no clue what episodes they're from. Hints of Rizzles. crack-ish
1. Chess?

"May I suggest," Jane moved the bishop to D8, taking Maura's queen, "Checkmate." She smirked at the doctor moving to check the validity of the statement.

"Wha- I didn't know you could play chess." Maura gaped at the detective, and couldn't help but feel a little awe. Of all the things that Jane had surprised her with, chess had been the last thing she thought Jane would be interested in.

"Yeah, who do you think taught him?" She waved her arm at her brother, "He's not the only Rizzoli with a beautiful mind." Jane went back to the kitchen to help her mom sort through everything she'd pilfered from the hotel with good natured sarcasm and well placed eye-rolls.

Maura stared at the game, trying to think of how she could have beaten the gambit. Of course it was Tommy's game that she had beaten, Jane had just stepped in right? Could she have beaten Jane at the same game? "Hey, you still alive in there? You've been staring at the board for an hour. Everyone's off to bed already." Jane chuckled. Her hand on Maura's should had been the only thing to actually bring her back from her thoughts.

The doctor smiled up at Jane and patted the other side of the table, "Let's play." Jane's smile fell and she turned to whine, but Maura jumped in before a word could be said. "Come on, you said you taught Tommy everything he knows. I want to see the master at work."

Jane raised an eyebrow and plopped down into Tommy's old seat, "If you lay it any thicker I'm gonna go cross eyed. C'mon, I'll set up, you grab the beers. It's gonna be a long night if you want to beat me."

Maura smiled from ear to ear, doing her best to melt Jane's heart as she left for the fridge. "I look forward to it." she whispered to herself.


	2. We're friends

"Well uhm, we're, we're uh," Maura gave me a pointed looked. Ohhhh, I get it. I rushed to her side and wrapped my arms around her waist. It's surprisingly pleasant. Shit Maura can't lie!

"We're friends." I interrupted. Giovanni stared at us like we were speaking greek. God was he always this thick headed? How did Maura not get the idea when I told her how bad an idea this was. He's- licking faces! Good god does how does that turn anyone on? No wonder he's desperate, he's probably still a virgin.

"Like, best friends." Maura nodded, pulling my arms tighter. Heh, she's practically tripping herself trying to get me closer. Does she seriously think that he's going to get all these metaphors and crap? Look at him! Dumbo was more put together than this guy.

Giovanni shook his head again. I groaned, "Like we're gay! So just," I flapped my hands at him, "Just go. We'll pay you for the car and the gifts and stuff later."

The minute we were in the car and the doors locked, Maura started giving me the puppy dog eyes. "You know he really is kinda sweet."

"Well then go make little Giovanni's with him. Just figure out how to keep them from talking, and licking." Gah, that is so nasty. Maura visibly shuddered, "God, you stick your hands into people's stomachs, you fish around for goodies and it's like your favorite thing! You're like some freaky nosy housemaid from hell, but licking your face is what gets to you?" I laughed, "Maura you are one of a kind."

She rubbed her arms and tried not to look hurt, "Well you don't seem all that thrilled about it either. The billions of germs inside the human mouth is disgusting, mix that with the sheer quantity of entry points for bacterium on the face just makes that unhealthy. That's why I floss." She sniffed. Damn is it cute when she does that, get all up on her doctor pride.

"For that?" I jerked my thumb at the quickly receding car garage, "Happenstance face licking? Cus that happens so often." I rolled my eyes.

Maura laughed and shoved my shoulder, "You know what I mean. Skin to skin contact, especially around the facial orifices is a dangerous process even if it is fun, and a biological judgement of future mating capacities."

I stared at her, "I'm sorry run that by me again?"

She looked back, thinking over what had been said. "Oh." She folded her hands on her lap and turned to me, she always does that. It's weird. "Well when two people first meet they subconsciously compare pheromonal information to decide if they make a good enough match. Then saliva is traded to narrow down the field a little. Hence kissing being such an important part of the courting behavior among humans. Primates do it too, and dogs check via scent glands by the-"

I waved my hands wildly, driving with one hand while I interrupted her with the other, "Okay, okay okay, that was way too much information. Why don't we just stick to kissing and leave all the science stuff behind for another day, okay doc?" Why does all this sex stuff have to be complicated? Can't it just be, I like you, you like me, let's go fuck behind that tree?

She didn't answer so I glanced over quickly to see what was going on. Maura was looking down at her lap and, "Oh my god are you blushing? What did I say?" I pulled into her driveway, and set the car in park before looking back.

Maura met my eyes, and immediately I realized what I had asked her.


	3. Got it bad

"Great! Let's go show Debbie and Emily and Kate just how fabulous you turned out to be." Maura turned around with the one dress I refuse to wear under any circumstances.

"Maaauraaaa… No not that one, I will go with you if you just promise to not make me wear that one!" Never again.

She looked down at the dress, "What this? What's wrong with it? The color is very complimentary, and it's obviously yours it will fit like a glove." I walked over, "I mean I know you aren't in love with ruffles but that's not totally bad. It's good to-" I snatched the dress away and hung it back up. "Hey!"

"Not that one."

Maura gave me the kind of look that says I better do what she wants, she pulled that same red dress with the line of layered black and red ruffles trailing around it like a freaky candy cane and growled. "You are wearing this one. Now let's get you dressed before we're late."

Damn, that was kinda sexy. God, I have it bad.


	4. If wishes were roses

"Go." I can hold it all in until she leaves.

Maura grabbed my arm, "No no I'm not leaving you." God damn it Maura! Just get the hell out of here, we aren't going to catch Hoyt if you're tied to me.

"Go, go and do what you do best." If anyone here can catch him before he pulls something it's you.

She stared at me until I finally made eye-contact, "Promise you won't do anything stupid. I'll be back in a bit Jane."

If it will make you leave... "Yeah, yeah I promise." The minute the door shut behind her, I had all three locks engaged and nothing except Maura's voice was gonna make me open that door. No way in hell. I'm not even going to touch it unless she's on the other end.

I curled up on the couch where she sat, letting her perfume fool me into thinking she was here. She'd probably go into depth about how messing with my own head was the reaction of the amygdala doing a tango with some prolactin or something. I snorted, not that I have any clue what that would mean but it would still be distracting.

Part of me wants to get drunk off my ass. But then if he comes for me I won't have any way to protect myself. God, I just have to sit here and wait for him to kill me don't I? He'd be so damn happy to see me like this, staring at the wall and praying that the big bad boogie man doesn't come to get me. My hands started to ache again. That only happens when Hoyt shows up. Another neurological whoodoo thing happening. God I wish Maura was here.


	5. Fix this

**A/N: Just so people know, this isn't technically a story. This is just fun little insights. Call it practice so I can get into their heads before really writing stories with Rizzoli and Isles. This is kinda my head!cannon, so please don't go freaking out about lack of plot or whatever. Thank you so much for the reviews.**

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"Oh god she hates me.." I watched Maura's receding back until she got into her car. Driving down to be with Patty. I mean it makes sense, but the look on her face. I just, I just shot my best friend's dad. What was he even doing here? Speaking of people who don't belong… "Where the hell is Dean? I want to know what he was doing here."

Korsak stopped me, "Whoa whoa whoa, where do you think you're going? You can't speak to Dean, or Frost or anyone. We need to find out what happened."

I stared at him, how could he think that sitting around answering questions would ever fix this? Fix us? "Did you see the way she looked at me? No I can't just sit around and wait for a game of twenty questions. I need to know what the hell Dean was thinking walking into the building." I dodged around Korsak just to run into Cavanaugh.

"Where do you think you're going Jane?" I looked between him and Maura's car. Any hope I had fled, leaving me a deflated caricature. How can I ever fix this?


	6. Tell her later

I ran a hand through my hair, "I need to tell you something." She's going to murder me. God am I even allowed to arrest the Chief Medical Examiner for attempting my own murder? I wonder if it would be premeditated… God why am I even thinking about this?!

Maura zipped her lips and tossed away the key, "I'm a vault."

"Hey! That's my line!" I poked her side, "You can't just do that!" Maura made a little squeak that could almost be a hiccup if it weren't, "Wait. You're ticklish?" A grin spread across my face as I considered all the ways I could blackmail her.

"Jane, don't." She gave me the look but I couldn't care less. This is too good to pass up. I grabbed her sides and started tickling her feverishly. "Agh! No! Not there ah aha ah No! nono please, please stop, I-I, I can't breath!" She gasped between giggles. Maura curled up tight on herself trying to protect her most vulnerable spots, but I immediately went for her feet. That got a good kick out of her, right into my gut.

"Ooof" I wheezed, curling up over the spot. I just need her to move a little closer. Maybe if I ham it up.

"Jane! Are you okay?" Maura grabbed my shoulder and pushed me back to check my stomach for bruising.

"Peachy!" I yelled, grabbing her and slinging her to the other side of the couch to continue our tickle fight. I can always tell her later.


	7. My girl

"Your uh, your girl chewed me out today."

Uhh who? "My girl?"

"Yeah Dr. Isles." He looked a little green.

Haha he probably broke one of her rules. I love it when people break her rules. "Ohhh, so what did you do?"

"Do?! I just thought that a guy Frost and I picked up might be a murder case!"

"Hahaha you guessed didn't you?"

"Yeah well then she jumped down my throat!"

I poked his chest. "Awww was poor widdle Frankie frightened by cute little Dr. Isles?"

He swatted my hand away, "Yes! Don't do that or I'm telling ma."

I laughed, "Ooooo tattle-tale and scaredy-cat all in one day, it has to be a record."


	8. I think she loves him

"I could tell she really likes him." Angela sighed.

"I think she loves him." I murmured, looking down at the Grey's anatomy in my hands. It only makes sense that she would like Casey. He's a strong specimen. Healthy. Intelligent. No one better. I should be happy for them, but I can't- I can't process this. "Goodnight Mrs. Rizzoli."

Upstairs in the solitude of my room I could cry without repercussions. She loves him. I can't do this, not like this. I need to stop this unhealthy obsession before it ruins our friendship. If-if Jane wants to live with Casey, and do what her mom wants and all of that, then I should be happy for her.

This is all a rush of negative chemicals. They're compressing my spinal column, enhancing my pain receptors, and depressing my immune system. By tomorrow I'll ache and be cranky. Cranky the same way I've been for days. The cathartic effect of the tears drained away, leaving me curled up in a wet mess.

How can I watch Jane throw herself at Casey? I mean he is a wonderful man, but I just don't think he can make her happy in the end. I can make her happy. I do make her happy. It's in her eyes when she laughs at my rules, and when she's knocking at my door to seek shelter. It's in the way she does her best to feed T.G.I.F. fresh vegetables and fruits, not that I approve of her name for that tortoise I gave her.

This is all wrong and I don't know how to fix any of it.


	9. Never

**A/N: To all those reviewing, thanks so much for the support. You'll get your admissions eventually :D These things take time. PS. So sorry about the length of these, I'm just writing until it feels like I need to stop.**

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"Oh Maura that was so beautiful, when are you going to tell her?"

"Never, ever. Never ever ever." She dissolved into tears again. My beautiful doctor fell into my arms and soaked my shirt in record time. Words were no comfort to her. Any other time and I would comment on how adorable her hiccups were, but it's hard to even notice amongst all the pain radiating from her broken posture.

In my whole time of knowing her, I have never once seen Maura Isles so defeated by a single person. Not when she was kidnapped, not when Hoyt held her hostage in that jail, never. Now Hope Martin just waltzes into her life and goes about her business breaking my friend's walls into pieces. I don't know if Maura can handle it. After so many years living in her shell of trivia and formality, can she deal with having a mother like this?

I hugged Maura tight and kissed her head, "Oh sweetie, it's okay. It's going to be okay, I promise." I rocked her gently, praying to whatever god is listening that they would fix this.


	10. Dennis

"I just wanted to thank you. The day you had me on that autopsy table you literally saved my life." Dennis smiled, trying to be nonchalant and bashful at the same time. If Jane were here she'd be gagging and rolling her eyes at him.

"You did. Besides, I'm a doctor, I was just doing my job." Please don't let this happen, just go, take your flowers and just go.

"It's, it's not that. I just, it's my parents have the perfect marriage. Thirty years and they're still happy." He's deluding himself into believing that this is an appealing topic for me to talk about. He's so nervous he can't even imagine my own discomfort. Jane is right my brain really can't shut up.

I started to shift my weight in a mildly unhealthy display of discomfort, "What do you mean?"

He scratched the back of his neck, a sure sign of embarrassment and replied, "I just, I fell for you so hard that when I left, I did my best to just forget everything about you."

"You did?" I should tell him. I really should tell him.

"I was afraid that I could never have what my parents did. With you… that feels possible."

Oh hell, "Dennis I'm gay." I am gay for a certain Detective and I have a snowball's chance in hell at getting her. But you don't really need to know that. All you need to know is that I have no interest in you that way.


	11. Trust someone

"You said you wanted kids... Did you really mean that?" Maura brushed Jane's hair back and watched her from her side of the bed.

"Well, ugh, I mean yeah I kinda want kids. It was nice ya know?" Jane grimaced, "I won't miss the sleepless nights and the random screaming, and I'm sure breast feeding would be a pain but, yeah. I miss him already." Maura couldn't help but smile, her partner was so good with those babies in the hospital. As disgusted as the cop had been seeing her mom as a kangaroo volunteer, it was easy to see her doing the same.

Sitting back in a rocking chair with a little baby girl in her arms. Maura scooted a little closer to Jane and kissed her cheek, "You're a big softy you know that? One day you will make a great mom."

Jane blushed and shoved her friend's shoulder, "What? Get out of town! You're sleep deprived. The universe in which I'm a good mom is the same one where you're an idiot." She stuck her tongue out and rolled over to go to sleep.

Maura scooted closer again, their backs almost touching. As their cases got worse, they had done this more often. Stabbing, rape, strangulation, everything to do with Hoyt, it all just buried them in so much fear that it became hard for either to sleep. But this way, this way they could pretend that the other was keeping watch. It felt safer in numbers. That, and Maura was pretty sure Jane had a bad case of mattress envy. She didn't mind. It's nice to trust someone.


	12. It's just a case

"Jane if you care about him, you'll look." He's my best friend. I-I can't. This is his decision. It hurts too much. Why would you make me do this. I looked up at her, the conflict in my eyes reflected in hers. This has to be killing Maura too. She likes Casey, we all do. What if he's getting himself hurt for his stupid pride.

The file in Maura's lap called to me. It spoke of all the answers I wanted, and all the answers I wanted to hide away. I sat there looking at Maura, searching for that hint of courage or cowardice to push me into action. The need to know. That's what pushed me into action. I can't claim to be a good cop and ignore evidence that my friend is hurting himself.

I took the file and started to read. Of course I didn't see the hurt hidden in Maura's eyes.


	13. See me cry

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah… Just another day at the office right?" We couldn't help laughing. The stress that had forced us to the crumbling point just as surely as that faulty concrete fell away. Maura wrapped her arms around me and I buried my face in her shoulder. I'm not going to cry, but it felt like it as we both shook with restrained emotion.

I can't… I couldn't let myself cry in front of ma and Frankie. Not after everything that happened. But when we got home, and cleaned up, I curled up in Maura's arms and cried silently. TJ had almost died, Frost, Tommy… I don't know what I would have done if I had been forced to stay out there and watch that stupid building fall on top of them.

Maura rocked me in her arms, murmuring, "It's okay Jane, it's okay. They're safe." I know she doesn't believe it, but she's going to be a great mom. I curled tighter into Maura's embrace and we fell asleep that way. Well I fell asleep that way. Maura was already awake and stroking my hair when I finally came to that morning. I don't think I've ever felt safer than in Maura's arms.


	14. Momma Maura

"Are you saying I'm fat and out of shape!" Shit.

"Uhh, no, I'm saying you uh, that I'm gonna run this way." I pointed behind me and started jogging.

"Jane!" Maura started after me again. On the one hand I have no interest in getting killed by her, but on the other it is so nice to see her actually putting some effort into something. It's been horrible seeing her so depressed and down. Ever since that surgery she's been pissy and tired. I don't know what I'm going to do with her if she doesn't stop this.

"Maybe if you just talked to them about this you would feel better!" I called over my shoulder. There's no way I'm gonna step within twenty feet of her while suggesting that. Every time I've mentioned her mom she gets angry or depressed. Is this what Maura's gonna be like when she finally starts having kids? Cus if that's the case, then I don't want to be within ten miles of her.

I'll be the kid's aunt or godparent or whatever, but I'm not gonna anger a momma Maura. My random snort drew the attention of passersby. "Just cus I think something's funny doesn't make me weird ya know!" heh, okay it makes me way weird, but damn, could you imagine how pissed Maura would get if I called her that? I bet her nose wrinkles up, and she starts going off on me trying to make words that just kinda disappear halfway through. Then she's huff or something and go analytical on me.

There's no way I'm going to miss out on Momma Maura.

**A/N: Just another update, I know I forgot the last few days.**


	15. Doctor Strawberry

"He wants kids of his own."

My eyes widened, of his own? So then TJ isn't his kid and marrying you is just a show? Or he knows you're the dumbest bimbo in all of Boston? God Lydia! What is wrong with you?! Maybe ma was right. Kidnapping is always an option. Damn it Tommy why didn't you put that paperwork in?

I think Maura saw how close I am to exploding because she put a hand on my arm and leaned forward with a tiny frown, "Oh poor TJ."

There. Her eyes. She's not retarded. Lydia stared back at us like she finally realized that this strawberry asshole was actually not a great father figure. If his first goal was to have his own freaking kids then he probably doesn't give a damn about TJ.

The moment Lydia was gone I smacked Maura's leg. "Did you hear that? The bastard doesn't care one bit about TJ! He just wants the slut girlfriend to have all his kids for him!"

The blonde rubbed her knee, "Ow, Jane we aren't going to solve this issue through physical violence. What we need to do is take care of this guy."

Ma walked over with her coffee pot almost the same second, "You know that's what I was thinking. We need a plan. Frankie's a good boy but I think we need a back-up plan."

"Do you know what you two sound like?" I poked Maura, "You sound like a mob boss talking about murder over breakfast."

The doc scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Like I said, violence isn't the answer. When a male feels he has a claim and that is challenged physically he clings tighter. What we need to do is make Lydia undesirable to him."

I didn't even think before I snapped, "Oh because being the town slut isn't enough. God Maura promise this isn't going to be as bad with you."


	16. Be there

Korsak turned to me, "Jane you want me to take this?"

Maura looks so lost, I can't let anyone else do this. "No, I'll interview her."

"Where were you the night of the 16th?" I asked. Don't touch her, make eye contact, keep it impersonal. That's what we're supposed to do. I'm a cop, so I need to act like it. I have to be strong for her.

"I-you were there Jane. We were at the fundraiser."

"And what happened after I left?"

She smiled fondly, "Well… We had drinks. He bought a bottle of my favorite wine." Of course she would let down her guard for a bottle of wine. Damn it Maura THINK!

"How did you get home?"

She looked to the left, doing her best to think about it. She's been like a zombie all day, I thought she was drugged even before we found the body. That tox screen better come up with something. "After we finished we talked and… Oh God, I was in his car he drove me home."

No, no Maura why did you say that?! I covered my face just for a moment to get a hold of myself. Be professional. Maura couldn't have done that, she shows none of the liar's markers, but this is Maura Isles. Feeder of turtles, wearer of way too many brand names, the person who finds solace in UPS rather than a bottle of tequila. She may kill someone from boredom, but she's not capable of murder. Wh-what are you doing? "God it's so hot in here." The doc shrugged off her jacket revealing some of the worst bruises I've ever seen.

Oh no, Maura please no.


	17. Talk to me

"Olives and ketchup? Are you really gonna eat that?" Maura looked confused, "You know the majority of people have certain meals that offer comfort when other forms are not readily available. It would be healthier to seek other forms of comfort."

I laughed humorlessly, "Do you ever stop talking?"

She wrinkled her nose at my choice in food and pulled out a container of leftovers, "Only when you start. So either I can tell you about the courting customs of the Maori, or you can just tell me what's bugging you."

I chucked an olive back into the bowl, not caring about the condiments splashed all over the counters, "You know what? What's bothering me is that some stupid ass killing people and putting them into statues, and another one thought it was fun to turn his kid into a murderer, and we have dirty cops, killed witnesses, abusive parents, rapists and every other kind of crap going on and all I can think about is-!" I stopped myself before I could shriek her name, but oh god. This is Maura, she's not going to let this go.

The woman on the other side of the counter sighed and poked at her food, "I really wish you would talk to me Jane."


End file.
